A Study Found That Having Children Does Not Make People Happier

Daily Mail- Having children does not make us any happier a wide-ranging study of happiness found. Looking at data from four countries: the UK, the US, Germany and Australia, researchers found that the positive glow of parenthood only lasted 12 months. After that time there was no improvement in ‘subjective well being’.

Andrew Clark, of the Paris School of Economics, and co-author of a the study presented at a conference in London yesterday said: ‘We could not find systematically large effects [on well-being] from children. ‘Is having a family good for you in the long run? Having a partnership is. ‘We found a positive effect from having a partner that doesn’t go away over time.’ We also rapidly adapt to the loss of a partner, either from separation or death, research finds.

‘Following people from the four years from before separation and four years after separation, we found some kind of bouncing back.’ But when it comes to having children parents quickly adapt and it does not increase their subjective well being. ‘Children are a great idea, thinking about having children is a good idea. Having them is a good idea. ‘Having them is a good idea for up to 12 months.’ He said that the study only looked at the first four years, so further research might find benefits later down the line. ‘What we don’t have evidence here is evidence over 20-30 or 40 years, for when we get old and we need taking care of. ‘We hope this will become positive at some point.’

Hey Andrew Clark, this is information that could have been brought to my attention THREE YEARS AGO!!! I heard all of the stories about how your life is never the same after you have kids. However, I also heard similar horror stories about getting married. But married life is basically the same as having a capital R roommate just with a couple of rings and no cheap breakups. Buying a house with my wife was basically the same as paying rent once the depression of putting every red cent I owned toward the down payment had worn off. But having kids? Complete game changer. And that’s the most fucked up thing about it. I heard all the stories about once your kid is born, your view of the world and lifestyle changes. Every little thing you do is for your kid. Did I think this would also mean I was going to be happier? Perhaps. But guess what? That doesn’t make sense. It never made any sense. But we are all too stupid to realize it until it’s too late. You are blinded by your spouse telling your her biological clock is ticking like Marissa Tomei. Other parents tell you it isn’t all that bad because they are sick of hearing you talk about your stories of vacations and going out. Misery loves company and there is no better company than your friends. Plus you don’t want to be the one creepy uncle at Thanksgiving that is a straight up lone wolf, even though you don’t realize all the adults in the room secretly envy him.

And of course the first year is fun. Everything is better when it’s brand new. A toy, an electronic, or a human. The first 3-6 months are an absolute fog that makes no sense at all. You are too tired to be unhappy. I guess I have emotions when I’m blacked out at a party, but I don’t remember them. But months 6-12 are a breeze since your kid isn’t completely useless yet can’t do enough to make you worry about them. Their shits still aren’t legit human shits and they can’t run wild or talk back. Just like everything else in life, you never realize how good you had it until it’s too late.

Now don’t get me wrong, your kids definitely give you a ton of happy moments. My daughter will say or do something at least 10 times a day that makes me love her more than anything on the planet. But you will also be more tired than you have ever been in your life. Your spouse is now more of your partner in the bunker than anything else. And almost everything you do is for the present and future wellbeing of a little human that spends a good chunk of its time crying, unknowingly trying to kill itself, and relying on you to do even the most basic tasks for them. I listened to the Elmo Song 25 straight times today. Twenty. Five. Did she give me a hug that made all 25 worth it? Yes. Because they do jussssst enough to make it all worth it. Am I overall “happier” now that I have to put a good chunk of my time, energy, and money toward making a tiny, albeit adorable human happy while trying to provide a decent life when I can barely take care of myself? Probably not. Would I trade my daughter for anything in the world? Definitely not. But if you think for a millisecond having a kid will instantly make you happier like it’s a full-time job where you can play Mario Kart all day long, you are probably a fucking idiot. And definitely not a parent.

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